In the past few years I’ve become accustomed to travelling alone. What I haven’t gotten used to is the variety of creepy interesting people I meet every time I’m at the airport. Whether it’s a seemingly cultured lady who later sticks her gum under the seat (ick) or a guy-you-don’t-know who’ll offer to carry your luggage because you’re so tiny; travelling by air is always an adventure!
Here are a few people you should watch out for when you’re going to fly!
Please don’t be distracted by its cuteness. While most babies are adorable af, airport babies are like tiny sirens that start blaring as soon as the plane takes off. And there’s nothing you can do about it because they really can’t help it. So just sit there as they scream their heads off during the entire flight and convince you that maybe you aren’t meant to be a mother after all.
This person is looking for a new best friend, at least for the next few hours. If it’s a guy, he’ll say how great it is that you work despite being a girl, ask about who is coming to pick you up, offer to meet up and ask to exchange business cards. If it’s an aunty, you’ll know everything about her children, bahu, susraal and marital life in the next half hour while you hope that she has to eventually pee or something so that you may run away and hide.
This dude is going to be on his cellphone while he waits for his next flight, dropping brand names left and right just to make everyone understand how important he is.
He has a laptop and wifi device! Will he let you use this wifi? No. And don’t ask because he’ll just glare at you.
This person is 20% badass, and 80% stupid. The rebel is not going to stop using their cellphone even when the flight attendant asks them to. They’ll want water as soon as they’re in the plane and only want to pee when the seat belt sign comes on. Their brains are wired to think that the plane is actually a park which explains why they like walking up and down the aisle so much.
No matter where you’re seated, this person is going to stare at you non-stop. He’s either going to be direct about it and look unabashedly at your chest (making you wonder whether your shirt is actually transparent) or be subtle and stare at your feet (making you want to burn your shoes and take a long shower to wash away the creepiness).
THE FIRST TIME FLIER
He’ll be the one gripping the arm rest a little too tightly and saying prayers loudly before the plane takes off. Every time there’s even a little turbulence his reaction will be scary enough to put you in a state of panic. Though I understand how a giant machine flying in the air might be a legit reason to panic, someone seriously needs to tranquilize this guy before the flight!
THE SPORTS TEAM
This group of teenagers wearing uniforms and carrying backpacks is going to be loud + annoying, cracking jokes throughout the flight with the crew having to tell them to pipe down every 10 minutes. They’re accompanied by a few tired coaches/chaperones/teachers that are going to fall asleep as soon as the plan takes off.
Oh, continue screaming kids. I’m trying to take a nap here. No big deal.
THE ONE IN A COMA
It’s the dude slouched in the corner with his mouth gaping open. You’re never quite sure if he’s just waiting for a flight or if the situation is much more terminal.
THE EYE CANDY
Gorgeous male specimen that turns out to have a horribly paindoo accent. Story of my life.
THE ONE WHO’S FLYING SOLO
Well… I’ll just be here in a corner, having McDonalds and tweeting about how weird everyone is.