It’s that time of the year again where your family has a legit excuse to hug you. Yep, it’s Eid.
As much as I love the occasion, because of… reasons (Eidi), the mere thought of the assault of hugs and kisses coming my way makes me uncomfortable.
The thing is, I’m not a big fan of hugs in general. Unless we’re really close, I reallllyyyyy don’t want you touching me please. And whenever I tell people, all I get is:
- What happened to you as a child? I don’t know. I just don’t see the point of you smushing your chest against mine.
- You have no soul. Hahaha. You’re right. Now get away from me before I sacrifice you to Satan.
- How rude. Fine. Let’s hug. I hope you felt the awkwardness seep through my skin to your very soul.
But since it’s Eid, all you can do is brace yourself for the invasion of personal space. Nevertheless here are the 5 types of cringe-worthy hugs that happen every single time.
THE HUG THAT LASTS TOO LONG
I know it’s been too long, and yes I’ve grown up so fast and yes you’ve missed me. But please let me go, aunty. I really can’t breathe.
This relative will hold on to you and squeeze with a grip that even puts Brock Lesnar to shame.
THE FAST & THE FURIOUS HUG
This person won’t even make eye contact. They’ll rush in, bang their chest against yours 3 times and move on to the next person, leaving you sore and traumatized.
No amount of Eidi is worth this ordeal, bro.
THE BOBBLE-HEAD HUG
They’re never sure which direction they’re going in. Is it right first? 3 times or just 2? The confusion just results in both of you awkwardly dancing around trying to avoid bumping your heads together.
THE HANDSHAKE HUG MIX-UP
One person goes in for a handshake and the other comes in for a hug. Result: Someone gets awkwardly poked in the stomach or is accidentally felt up.
THE I-CAN’T-COUNT HUG
It’s a triple hug combo! Not 4, not 5 and definitely not 9. This person gets his kicks out of going for more than 3 hugs which is super awkward and creepy.
Fun fact: Till a certain age, I counted out loud and would just let go on the 3rd time. I have pushed away multiple relatives on this blessed occasion.
If there are any other awkward Eid hugs that you’ve experienced, I’m sorry. Let me know so that we can drown our misery in Coke together.
It’s just 3 days. See you on the other side :’)